I'm my own hero

5:20PM

i'm so terrified that my friends will probably start getting married in 2 years...growing up sucks

12:13AM - super close

So instead of doing my homework like i should, i'm gonna update my lj (something i haven't done in forever). Anyway, this weekend was thurteen, a carnival of sorts where the sororities and frats build these kerjiggers and put on a play. it was fun. tonight was the afterparty where everyone gets ridiculously drunk. but because i had a mound of hw for tomorrow, which i'm only doing half of, i'm stuck inside, sober, and procrastinating. blahhhh!! i'm not really sad about not being drunk, but i just can't bring myself to work. haha. we're so close to the end of the semester. 2 weeks of class left and it tastes so sweet!!!! i've had an amazing year. for serious. all the people i've met are so cool. but right now, i miss my friends from home and i miss my home!!! nothing is really new with me. i've grown this year and learned a lot. next year will be great. i'll be super busy this summer!!! i get initiated into my fraternity the 9th of may! and then it's home. Just a bunch of writing for the next couple of weeks. Nothing to really be disappointed about these days. everything is going well! night

-John

5:43PM - dreams

last night i had a very strange dream. i dreamt that i was at hogwarts, but it was in america...and it had fallen into the hands of bad guys..not voldemort. anywho. everyone was trying to get me and 7 other students. we took refuge in a house by the school only to find that we were being chased there. i went outside, raised my wand to the air, and summoned 8 firebolts. it was fucking amazing!!!! they all came and then we flew off. cami was there! and then i awoke to the sound of my phone ringing. i want to fly!!

1:10AM - long time gone

i'm back at school and break was a blast. i really love all my friends. it's amazing how much being at school makes me appreciate what i have at home so much more than i would before i left. but i really loved seeing everyone and all the great times we had. i loved sleeping in my own bed and just hanging out. at the same time, i'm really happy to be back at school. the people here are really fun. this week back has been pretty long, but good. i got into all the classes i wanted. one is gonna be difficult just because there is a lot of reading, but it should work out. everything else is really cool. i really don't want to be in writing 1 though. i fucking know how to write, but i'm forced to take this class anyway. but tonight was really fun. i didn't really think it would be that good b/c i wasn't gonna drink a lot. and i didn't!!!!!! but other stuff happened which made tonight unexpected and fun. and now i'm off. night.

-John

Current mood: cloud 9

4:16PM - christmastime is coming

i really hardly ever update this anymore. so things are going very well here. this semester is quickly quickly coming to an end after a super sweet, but super short thanksgiving break. but i had a lot of fun all the same. now i'm back in school and work is kicking in. this week has actually been very relaxed...and i have been using it not to get ahead of work, but to catch up on smallville. anyway. next week is going to suck. i have an entire book to read for my latin class with a book review due next friday. then the following monday (12/10) i have three tests in one day. ughh...i think i can get one moved though. hopefully. but that's my last day of actual classes. how weird is that. but yeah. so i registered this week and i'm kind of annoyed by it. i registered for 20 credits...but only got enrolled in 12. that's right, i'm wait listed for 8 credits and can't over register as a safety net in case i get off the wait list. but that might be ok. one waitlist i'm only 3 on, but that's a dance class i only wanted to take for fun. another wait list i'm 15 on, but that class is taught by a professor i currently have so i'm hoping next week to go to her and ask to be in the class if i'm not already off the waitlist. then the third is just a philosophy class i really want to take. it helps w/ requirements and could push me towards more philosophy classes which are very interesting. so yeah these last couple of weeks are school are going to be busy busy busy, but i'll get through. next semester i'm not gonna have as much time to procrastinate which is a little saddening, but oh well. later.

-John

12:01AM - cake in the project room

life at washu has deffinately picked up. this week has been my busiest so far. i started out the week by taking a math exam and will close it with a latin exam. i'm really enjoying everyone i've met here.

my classes are fun and interesting and there seems to never be a dull moment. last year i commented on how i wanted college b/c nobody knew me and i could reinvent myself. that has proved true and false. obviously i changed a lot over the summer and carried some of that with me to school. however, some of me is still held in reserves. i'm also finding that i'm still wondering about other people's opinions of me and seem to think that people are annoyed with me when they definately are not...thankfully though, i'm not expressing that and so am not actually a huge freak (or at least i think). however, i definately have changed. i have somehow avoided much drama on the floor and at school. i know...surprising considering i was always in the drama in high school and back at home (i still refer to chattanooga as home and here as school...i don't know if that will change). i definately like the person i am here and think that it definately am acting as i am. i miss everyone terribly and can't wait to see them throughout the course of the year and when i go home for breaks!!!

i'll be home 3 weeks from tomorrow!!! get excited chattanooga!! night

-John

Current mood: quixotic

11:46PM - superman that hoe

damn it has been way too long. seriously so much has happened in my life in the past few weeks.

for starters, i'm at college. the last couple of weeks leading to my departure were hard but some of the best days i can remember. i worked hard and went out w/ friends. talked about moving on and staying together. i really and truly love all of my friends and hope that most of us keep it together. there was also a lot of PORN!!!

anywho then i left for school. it was a rush. thus far, i love my floor mates. they are all really fun and fun to be around. i've only made a fool of myself a couple of times...like sunday when i tried to get everyone to slap me...thank god i couldn't feel it. i've never been around this many different yet similar people. it is vastly amuzing. classes are good too. i dropped one class and now have a pretty easy schedule this semester.

i don't know what else to say other than things are pretty good...they can always get better...and i'm a little "frustrated" if you know what i mean. call me. night

-John

2:35AM - fucking A

so what the fuck is seriously wrong with me. it seems like no matter how much i care about someone, they just don't give two shits about what i have to say. seriously. some of the things i do should not be done. i don't get respect from people i have some of the highest respect for. yes i am bossy...and people should make their own decisions, but can i not express my opinions because i have a sincere care for a person's well being? is this just me freaking out about going to college, making new friends, and not being around all my current friends whenever i want? why? why do people have to be difficult? why do i have to feel selfish, like a jerk, bossy, and yet still at the same time like i know what's best for people? i just really don't want any of my friends to get hurt. am i really that blinded? have i put myself out there too much so that people really just don't care anymore? haven't i listened? why do people tell you things when they don't want to hear what you have to say? am i just being paranoid? how can i type this well with the headache i know is coming? just fuck. fuck it all. i just need work and the summer to be over. i need one last, sober time with my friends where we can accept the change that is coming closer. we can cry (although i never do when i want). we can laugh. we can reflect. we can love. but no. everyone (including myself) is too afraid to admit we are going to college. everyone is too scared to admit they are afraid of losing each other. growing up is hard enough ooo woh oh. seriously though, change is inevitable...and it sucks. night

-John

12:36AM

i wish i were more aggressive. seriously

Current mood: cynical

11:38PM - the end

it's amazing how many lives j.k. rowling has managed to touch. i realize this as i've seen several online accounts from my own friends on how harry potter has affected their lives. and now it's over. but my story is like many others:

i first learned of harry potter as a nine year old at st. peter's school. ross bolden was seen one day reading one of the largests books i'd ever seen a third grader read (a bit funny as the sorcerer's stone is the shortest of all seven books). he was the only one and i was intrigued by the books. the following year, as a fourth grader, i checked out the first harry potter from our school library. from that moment on, i was hooked and it was amazing. it's actually funny to think that i would have to wait another 9 years to end it all. as soon as i finished the first, my mother produced the other two for me to read. how interesting that the first three were released soo closely together and yet not many people were reading them. as a fifth grader, i spent my days at recess just reading and re-reading the first three books. i was "that kid" who kept to himself and was always up for a game of harry potter concentration with brittany mckenna. my last year at summer camp was when the fourth book came out. again i was amazed. i would have to wait 2 more years to read the fifth installment. and another 2 years after that for the 6th. i was not alone in my long wait. j.k. truly wrote the story of children growing up. i was extrordanarily annoyed w/ harry in his fifth year, but i took a step back and realized i was the same at 15. she truly knows her stuff. i thought today about how interesting it was that the first three books all have definite begginnings and ends. however, the last four books seem to each have a "to be continued" air to them. the melt together seamlessly. tonight, i finished the final installment of a series and in one month from today, my childhood will end for good. it's nice to be a part of something bigger and that is how j.k. ends. to be a part of something bigger is what i want. what so many of her readers want. she nailed it. i'm also amazed at her ability to tie up ALL loose ends in one book.

harry potter and the deathly hallows is amazing for the simple fact that there is NEVER a down moment. the entire book is filled with action that makes you not want to put it down. i just cannot express how happy i am that i was part of this or how sad i am it is over. but then again, all good things must come to an end.

maybe later i'll post an entry wrought with my thoughts on spoilers. for now, however, i will say that i am very good at predicting things. i knew all along how a certain character, not harry or voldy, would turn out. night

-John

Current mood: hopeful

1:07AM

gahh. so tomorrow...i guess today, i'm in this triathalon thing, but i cannot fall asleep tonight...it sucks. i'm thinking of just a nap. anyway. tonight was fun. 1408 was interesting. it was a bit ridiculous, but fun. then movies in the park w/ the outstanding cayce gearin. i amprisandheartssemicolon her. maybe i'll try to sleep.

in other news, i need to like hang several signs on myself so people don't ask...i guess i need a sign so people don't ask why i'm putting things about hanging signs on myself...so confusing. night

-John

Current mood: confused

12:34AM - i'm a dick...i'm a addicted to comics!!!

yeah that's right. addicted. i just ordered my first two new comics for the summer. it took me a while, but now i'm back and obsessed again. ever since last summer after seeing superman returns i've been hooked. it doesn't help that wikipedia only gives me a huge taste of knowledge i need!! but i just thought i'd share that little piece of info.

in other news, kids need to be potty trained. i have work tomorrow and it'll be good!!!

also, HARRY FUCKING POTTER AT MIDNIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hells yeah. and then next week, the book comes out. july is turning out to be an awesome month. it started out a little blah, but it is finally picking up! i guess it can only get better...yay for babies!! and maybe more.

so yeah that's where i am right now. each day passes and i'm still here so that's always good. yay for harry potter!! night.

-John

Current mood: obsessed w/ comics

1:17AM

so i've decided that living one day at a time is the best thing. mistakes occurr everyday. i can do several things to affect tomorrow, but in the end i have no control over the future. at the same time, i can't change the past. i can't fix things i wish i hadn't done. i can't go back and change things in my favor. therefore, i will just continue to live for today because all in all, that's what i have. i'm not promised anymore. just today. one moment at a time. maybe now i'll change tomorrow and do something i want to do, but am too afraid. haha. it's funny, but being cheesy just made me think of a line from rent: "no day but today"...so true. and now i'm done for today. night.

-John

p.s. sorry for the vagueness katie.

Current mood: pensive

2:01AM - only taking space up in our heads

gah. so summer. pretty good so far. however, i keep getting frustrated w/ myself. honestly, why can i sometimes say exactly what i'm feeling and then other times just keep it to myself? should i switch those times? going to college is such a confusing time in a person's life. i guess it is all part of life's journey. but seriously...what is my problem? do i even have a problem? i might say so. i just really need answers. but then again, i guess i need to do something for myself in order to get answers i want or might not want.

hooray for life. night

-John

Current mood: buh?

11:18PM - ...

so i swear, sometimes i just look for reasons to be down. in response to katherine's post, i think i would love to look at myself in a more idealistic way. unfortunately, i'm a realist. it sucks too. i dream big, but i recognize that they will remain dreams forever. every kid is told they can do whatever they want, but is that really true? the worst part about this whole situation is that i really have no reason to be down. i never allow myself to be sad for too long. true i am sad on the inside, and true, i complain, but i never really discuss my emotional state. i have so much, so why should i be sad. and the answer i tell myself is that i shouldn't. i shouldn't get down because life could be so much worse, and i am extrordinarily fortunate. i really need college. college as i've said in the past is an opportunity to reinvent myself. maybe i will become an idealist. maybe i'll become better than i think i can be. maybe i'll find everything i want. i'll keep my fingers crossed for the next four years i guess.

i want college, but i want as much time w/ my friends this summer. this summer seemed like it would be amazing. so far, it has been fun and i've experienced things many never will. it continues to be busy and exciting. why then am i down? no reason. i just want to be so much more.

thank god that this journal is a little therapeutic! i guess that's it. night.

-John

Current mood: confused

1:56PM - italy

so sitting here at the internet cafe. it's bad, but i already miss home a little. two weeks might just be too long. but i'm seeing all sorts of things and expanding my horizons. italy is nothing like i imagined. everything is just so different. also, last night we were taking a bus back to the hotel...our teacher told me and this other kid that these guys at the front of the bus were relentlessly making fun of us...why? turns out that george bush is in town and (surprise surprise) he's not too popular with the italians. therefore, if we get any trouble here...we're just gonna say that we are Canadian...eh... so that's what's up

leave me tons of facebook messages and comments as i will be at the internet cafe every couple of days to check on things back home. later

-John

12:21AM - i could fall asleep in those eyes, like a water bed

so much has happened since graduation:

graduation party: i got really really excited about this. i was on a high all day after the actual graduation. we arrived and i just ran around. it was good to be around everyone prob most for the last time...thank god for some. however, i ended up just getting tired and blah about the whole thing. dealing with things that i just can't explain.

wisdom teeth: monday after graduation, i went and had my two bottom teeth cut and my uppers pulled. it was very quick. laughing gas is amazing and then i was just out on the anesthesia(sp?). so yeah i woke up, drugged obv, and then headed home. pain pills were very helpful. my mom stayed till about 1 and called when i needed medication b/c i ended up just sleeping all day. the next day, tuesday, i didn't take my pain meds. i was just sore...i ended up going out w/ cam and k-cher at lunch. then home. then northgate w/ ppl and ended up back at my house. which reminds me i have to take that horrible, awful movie back stat. then wed. i was still sore, but managed to go out that night for some awesome fun. the next two days were early days and late nights w/ some sorta sadness and final reflections on the end of senior year.

summer begins: i had to go into work on friday for some last minute clean-up at the pool. it was pretty good. i got paid so that's what's important. real work started on saturday. yeah kids...god love 'em, but i just wanna smack 'em. so many people...and then my boss kinda hovering. i'm the oldest guard this year which is very good. so yeah i worked every day until tuesday. it already feels like summer which is amazing. it has really sunk in that high school is over. i really do love working at the pool and just being able to go out. so yeah tuesday. i almost forgot about saturday night. the most fun i've had in a while with newfound respect for so many people that i'm happy to know.

the past couple of days have been soo amazing in many more ways than one. i've been so exhilerated. inside jokes and everything. computers are fun. i just can't explain how amazing the past 72 hours have been for me. i hope this is the beginning of the best summer yet!!! night.

-John

Current mood: happy

Current music: for you i will

1:42AM

Where is your spirit craving to take you to? Everywhere Right now you are craving to go everywhere and meet everyone because you just can't get enough of this life. You have ambitions and dreams that you are determined to accomplish no matter what. You find the world beautiful and mysterious and you have an adventurous spirit. You are going to feel fulfilled when you have experienced and seen as much as possible. Click Here to Take This Quiz

Quizzes and Personality Tests

10:53PM

one exam to go and i'm putting off studying....oh procratination!!! night.

-John

9:35PM - the rest of your life

did i mention that i'm in the weirded place in my life right now. i'm done w/ highschool, but still studying for ap's. it just feels so awkward. right now i'm putting off studying for physics. i really don't care at this point for some extrodanarily odd reason. i think it's because how i do on this ap won't affect my grade. however, i do care about how i do on latin on friday. i mean it's something that just this year i've decided i'm passionate about. i really enjoy what we've done this year and i like the language and the entire history behind it all. so yeah, i'm hoping i get a 5 on that exam. what else is going on? not much. i'm lazy and need to do stuff. like study. i feel as if i'm on good terms with all my friends. i get to places like this and then things seem to go wrong. however, i really don't feel like that's gonna happen anytime soon. maybe if school were still going on they would, but summer is so fucking close i can taste it. i can't wait for graduation and all the moolah i hope to pull in. then vacation!!! i love vacation!! so yeah that's it. night.

-John